Check out this footage! For a place that's so against homosexuality, I've never seen so many men touching each other with their eyes closed. The women aren't exactly acting heater either. I sure hope that God can protect them against Athlete's Foot, because the women seem to think that dancing barefoot on carpet is a fabulous idea. The music is fucking atrocious. It's same 3 second loop over and over, which is about all the musicians seem to be capable of handling. Oh, and someone tell the super sized chick at 3:10 to stop crying, the KFC buffet is open on Sunday.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkahDsyNSxY
The kids look so thrilled to be at this indoctrination camp run by some of the ugliest adults I have ever seen. The dudes in the back look like they are going to puke and pass out from boredom. Some dick has a seizure at 1:10, and what does his dumbass friend do? HE CELEBRATES. Seizure boy stays passed out for the rest of the video, and some asshole actually takes a picture of him laying on the ground at 2:11. The 2:30 mark represents the climax of the video, as Sally blue skirt, fancy feet, can't-see-what-the-fuck-is-infront-of-me, arm flailer loses complete control of her motor skills and erupts into a level 5 shitfit.
Is that a pack of wolves having their intestines ripped out or a church service gone horribly wrong? Obnoxious pricks. Not many highlights in this one, just a room full of people with a combined IQ of 14 acting like rabid coyotes. If their children acted like this at home, they would get their asses kicked. At 1:21, we see the jolly green giant hop up on a chair like a goddamned two year old and start conducting an invisible symphony. A little later at 2:37, we catch a few air-pushups performed by not-so-pretty in pink. Other than that, you are in for almost 4 minutes of shitty singing accompanied by a crowd of howling banshees.
Holy shit, where do we start? Anyone else find it odd that his head is black and the rest of his body is white? This guy is higher than a kite and has a look in his eyes as if he just beat his grandmother to death with a rolling pin. The music is bad enough, but it gets even worse as he tries his luck at karaoke. I can see Jesus crying and slitting his wrists to this video, just like I was.
The idiot at center stage is so distracting that you can't even tell that the preacher is actually a woman. She sounds like my uncle when he has a few drinks and starts bitching about the government. The lady in front has obviously been clubbing all night and accidentally walked into a church service still high on ecstasy. She must think the preacher is the DJ, and the music is still thumping. Someone call her a cab.
See that lady in the red? She votes.
A timeless classic in a contest to see who can draw the most attention to themselves. We start off with the Pillsbury doughboy running laps on stage until the camera focuses on the jackass in black who dominates the next 45 seconds. At the 0:58 second mark, the moron in the blue blouse decides that she's not acting retarded enough. She throws herself into a full blown shitstorm, turning her arms into deadly whips and dominating the competition. Not to be outdone, black shirt begins performing bobbing 360s. Then out of fucking NOWHERE, some guy in the front row loses his shit and steals the show in a all out epileptic stomping fit. Then, some asshole in a yellow shirt thinks he can steal his thunder, but gets knocked the fuck down by the epileptic stomper at 1:34.
Don't miss Holy Ghost Explosion 2: Return of the Shitheads. Doughboy is still on stage creating a gravitational disturbance that is slowly altering the orbit of the moon. Don't miss the debut of his disgusting female companion who is either crying out of embarrassment or the fact that nobody wants to see her naked. Some douche bag starts whipping his smelly underwear around like a flag at 0:28, and we have a specimen at 0:47 that wandered off from the Bingo hall waving his arms in disapproval. It looks like he's signaling everyone to get the fuck out of his sight, yet he's smiling beyond his own control. No Henry, nobody called G47 and you don't have Bingo.
I thought I was the only one that laughed my balls off all the way through a church service. The funniest part is, there's a guy on the ground that is NOT MOVING. Look everyone, he's dead! HAHAHAHAHHAHAA!! LET'S TAKE TURNS RAPING HIS CORPSE!!
Nauseating. The crowd couldn't sing loud enough to drown out this sonic assault. If I was God, I'd be throwing down lightning bolts after the first 3 notes, but I'd switch over to throwing refrigerators starting at 2:10 to make sure the bastard couldn't sing another note. I didn't think it could get any worse until 2:55 came rolling along. You'd think with all those notes flying around that one of them would be remotely close. I guess that would be asking far too much.
Nothing says "Turn the other cheek" like punching somebody in the face, especially when you are a male preacher beating up a female attendee. Yeah that's right champ, knock her the fuck out infront of the entire congregation and show her who's boss. That's one way to get donations.
I'd rather have sex with a AIDS infested rhinoceros than listen to this song again. Jesus has officially cancelled his friendship with each one of these loons after witnessing this abomination. Naturally, I thought this was a joke so I started laughing. Then I started crying about halfway through, realizing that these people were totally serious. They must have all emerged from their parents' basement in a coordinated effort to see how many virgins they can pack into a single room and ruin any future chance of getting laid. It's a catchy tune though, it's been stuck in my head for past few days and I can't seem to shake it. In unrelated news, I want to stick my head in the microwave.
