WHEN GOD GETS DIARRHEA
| # | Event | Location | Date | Death Toll (Estimate) |
| 1. | China | July-November, 1931 | 1,000,000–4,000,000 | |
| 2. | China | September-October, 1887 | 900,000–2,000,000 | |
| 3. | Shaanxi Province, China | January 23, 1556 | 830,000 | |
| 4. | November 13, 1970 | 500,000 | ||
| 5. | India | November 25, 1839 | 300,000 | |
| 6. | May 20, 526 | 250,000 | ||
| 7. | July 28, 1976 | 242,000 | ||
| 8. | December 26, 1920 | 240,000 | ||
| 9. | August 7, 1975 | 90,000–230,000 | ||
| 10. | 2004 Indian Ocean earthquake/tsunami | Indian Ocean | December 26, 2004 | 229,866 |
Check out this nifty little highlight: God has blessed China with the top 3 deadliest Earthquakes in history. I’ve complied then in to a chart, which I like to call…
L-L-LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE!
(Source: Wikipedia, taken August 9, 2009) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_natural_disasters_by_death_toll)
| Rank | Death Toll | Event | Location | Date |
| 1 | 830,000 | China | 1556 | |
| 2 | 255,000 | China | 1976 | |
| 3 | 240,000 | China | 1920 |
Total number of Chinese people God killed in these charts alone is between 3,302,000 and 7,542,000. God sometimes works in “mysterious” ways, but there is nothing mysterious about this chart. God must have eaten some bad chow mein and gotten diarrhea to get this pissed off at China. So God decided to put on his boxing gloves and beat the piss out of China for a few hundred years. When God saw what he had done, and, behold, it was very good, he remained unsatisfied. Apparently God didn’t think that punishing the Chinese with floods and earthquakes was suitable enough. It was then he decided to regularly starve them to death in a slow, painful, loving way. Out of the top 5 deadliest famines in history, China takes 3 out of 5, including first and second place. No more shitty chow mein and cat-filled egg rolls for those atheist, communist, blasphemous assholes! So God said unto the Chinese…
“Behold, I hope you have stockpiled a ton of MSG, because you’ll need all the preservatives you can get your filthy hands on!”
Let’s take a took at a chart which I like to call…
HUNGRY? WHY WAIT?
(Source: Wikipedia, taken August 9, 2009) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_natural_disasters_by_death_toll
| Death Toll | Event | Location | Date |
| 4,900,000–43,000,000 | 1958–1961 | ||
| 24,000,000 | Chinese Famine of 1907 | 1907 | |
| 19,000,000 | Indian Famine | 1896–1902 | |
| 15,000,000 | Bengal famine of 1770, incl. Bihar & Orissa | 1769–1771 | |
| 13,000,000 | Northern Chinese Famine | 1876–1879 |
Total number of Chinese people starved to death in this chart is between 41,900,000 and 80,000,000. Wow God, aren’t you just sweet as a rotten apple? So much for God being “loving” and “forgiving,” this douche bag behaves more like a spoiled 5 year old. All of this evidence has pointed towards one conclusion: God hates the Chinese.
What’s the matter God? Do they not worship you enough? Do they not boost your ego enough to make you feel special? Does your self-esteem drop just because they don’t pay enough attention to you? You poor baby! But let’s be honest here God, do you really deserve to be loved? I mean, you’re always such a dick and you love to wipe Chinese people off the planet faster than I can reach my hand in to the church donation plate. I don’t know of any mass murderers that are deserving of constant worship, praise, and financial donation; so blow me.
SATAN DOESN’T LIVE IN HONG KONG
How can God possibly market himself as all loving and all caring when he is constantly shitting on the eastern hemisphere? Some Christians might try to defend their criminal friend by blaming it all on The Devil. Let’s entertain that possibility; let’s say The Devil really did cause all of the death and destruction in China. Let’s pretend that Satan himself was personally responsible for beating the piss out of China. Sorry God, you’re still a giant butt hole. You still have to answer these questions…
• Why does God continue to let The Devil destroy people in mass quantities?
• Why doesn’t God come to the rescue and save the people he created?
• Why doesn’t God simply eradicate The Devil or simply not allow The Devil to cause Earthly destruction?
• If God can’t stop The Devil from committing such horrible crimes against humanity, then God is NOT all-powerful by any means.
So in the Christian world, there can only be two suspects that might be involved in Chinese genocide: God or Satan.
· If God knowingly and willingly caused all of these malicious acts, then God is not in any way deserving of love, worship, praise, charitable donation, or hymns that sing of his greatness. He is simply a backstabbing, bloodthirsty, hypocrite that deserves nothing more than to eat shit sandwiches for all eternity.
· If The Devil is responsible for all of this, then this comes as no surprise. However, God, being the creator and controller of all things, allowed The Devil to wreck havoc amongst his Earthly servants. God stood there with his arms folded and watched as his people were drowned, starved, and crushed to death in assembly line fashion.
In either situation, God is guilty as charged. He obviously isn’t turning a blind eye when it comes to the destruction of his children, especially the Chinese. God has it out for the Chinese, and the proof is in the pudding.
I say we give God the death penalty, then go enjoy some delicious roast pork lo mein.
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